Three companies

"I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies after me."

"Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?"

"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

I hate my job

When you have an "I hate my job" day, try this: On your way home from work, stop at the pharmacy, go to the thermometers section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Best Thermo". Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Best Thermo is personally tested." Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at the Best Thermo Company."

Shoestring Budget

My boy decided to go into business on a shoestring,' said George. 'He's tripled his investments, be he's still not satisfied, can you believe it?'

'Why not?' asked his friend.

'He can't think of anything to do with three shoestrings.'

The Snail

A man went to his boss's costume party with nothing on but a naked woman on his back.

"What the hell are you supposed to be?" the boss asked.

"I'm a snail," the man replied.

"What a load of crap!" his boss spat. "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that naked woman on your back?"

"You've got it wrong," the man replied. "That's Michelle."

Get ready in ten minutes

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."

"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

Marine interview

A man was being interviewed for a job.

"Were you in the service?" ask the interviewer.

"Yes, I was a marine," responded the applicant.

"Did you see any active duty?"

"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability."

"May I ask what happened?"

"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles."

"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am."

"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."

"Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."

Safe passwords

See the cartoon above and guess what the employees can do to safeguard their passwords. An employee is seen above saying this to his colleague, "Sorry about the odor. I have all my passwords tattooed between my toes".

Drawbacks to working in a cubicle joke

1. Being told to "Think Outside the Box" when I'm in the darn box all day!
2. Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind me.
3. Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.
4. That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese.
5. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
6. My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.
7. 23 power cords, 1 outlet.
8. Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.
9. When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.
10. Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.
11. If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say "What? I didn't hear you."
12. If your boss calls you and asks you to come into his office for a minute the walk there is like a funeral march... people hand you tissues as you pass and refuse to make eye contact.
13. You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone.
    

Office skills joke

"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?"

"Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel."

"Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours."

Mrs. Smith explained brightly, "Oh, that was during office hours."

Password Rejected

A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.

Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter 'penis'.

Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response:

PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!

My Project Desk

My Project Desk (MPD) is an online Project Management & Collaboration solution developed in PHP/ MySQL by Konstant Infosolutions. They describe My Project Desk as "... a nice place for managing projects & interacting with employees. Take MPD as your personal assistant...!" As of today, MPD if proprietary and is used by Konstant with its clients only to keep track of the projects being developed by Konstant for its clients. The clients are provided with access to MPD so as to keep track of the tasks assigned to developers and post any query or bug. Find the comprehensive list of the features of MPD here.

My Project Desk runs on the servers of Konstant Info Solutions and the clients have the facility to directly interact with the members of the team which is working upon their projects.

• Discussing details
• Generatin To-Do lists
• Milestones
• Sending messages
• Sharing files
• Tracking projects
• Writing on-board for Future Reference