15 Signs You Forgot Secretaries Day

• Phone messages delivered on end of spear.
• Your important dictation somehow seems to blah blah blah I am a slave-driving cheapskate.
• A copy of the latest bestseller "So, Your Head's Up Your Ass, Now What?" appears on your desk.
• When did FTD start doing an "Up Yours" Bouquet?
• First, a message that Cindy Crawford is on line 2, followed a few seconds later by Satanic laughter.
• It's not so much the cold coffee, it's the staples at the bottom of the cup.
• Your big business dinner at the Four Seasons Restaurant in Manhattan is rescheduled for Big Jeb's 24-Hour Truck Stop outside of Newark, New Jersey.
• Nude picture of Marlon Brando pops up in your Powerpoint presentation.
• Supposedly shredded Whitewater documents turn up in the Washington Post cafeteria.
• Now answers the phone, "Smith, Jones and Tighta**."
• That NY-to-LA trip she booked for you now involves six plane changes, a 12-hour layover in Guam and a personal appearance on Ricki Lake's "I'm A Selfish Pig" episode.
• Newly-typed organization chart lists your position as "Head Up His Ass."
• Your computer's mouse has been replaced by an electro-genital shock device.
• While admittedly funnier than usual, daily Top 5 list she forwards you contains 15 identical "You suck!" entries.
• Expense report you don't recall submitting comes back with denied charges for "beer & hookers."